The Juice Cleanse: A Bit of a Rant But Mostly a Review

So what is it with these juice cleanses anyway? What’s the big deal and what are the general public opinions on the topic?

From what I can tell, there seems to be two trains of thought that fall into the

“I swear by them” category

and the

“ Juice cleanses are bullshit” category

Both are very strong opinions and for those of you who know me, you know I don’t do well with those!

Juice Cleanse Overview:


The whole idea behind a juice cleanse is that it will aid in cleansing and flushing your body of stored up “waste” that has gotten “stuck” in you digestive tract.

For a more thorough explanation check out this video from Pulp Kitchen, which is where I purchased my cleanse (via the all mighty Toronto Groupon).

The Opposing Argument: 


Now the opposition addresses the fact that the body already has built in filtration systems. This includes our best friend the liver and it’s back up band the lymphatic system.  Those who say neh to juice cleanses feel that our built in system is more than efficient at filtering all the broken down booze, poutines, cheese, bacon, burgers, baked goods and any other foods us 20 somethings consume. They also believe that those who do juice cleanses only feel better afterward because they are reintroducing food back into their systems.

And With That in Mind, I Must Take a Moment To Rant:

I’m sorry! To be honest I didn’t realize that (up until 2 years ago) I was the only person in the city in my 20’s totally not giving a flying fuck about what I put into my body.

Ha! I guess I was actually alone all of those nights I spent going out to party and drink, followed by days of eating shitty, greasy, fatty, sugary (delicious) brunch.

I suppose it was also just me ordering take out food or eating whatever contents I found in my cupboards when I came home from work exhausted – almost every day.

My Bad…


So Why am I Being a Sarcastic Dick About The Opposing Argument?

Well, most people I’ve met who spew sarcastic facts condemning juice cleanses tend to party a lot harder, consume a lot of more of god only knows and are bonafide workaholics

And you know what. There’s totally nothing wrong with that. Hell, that’s what youth is for! Work hard, party harder.

But I figured it was only fair that I get on their level for a sec and speak their language. Excuse me if I can’t take your rants against juice cleanses seriously when

A) I doubt time has been taken from busy schedules to understand more about the bodies filtration systems and how strong/fragile they can actually be.

B) The actualization of what the body feels inside when it’s “clean” hasn’t happened for them yet…(again, these things take time and attention so if you’re too busy not giving a shit, you probably don’t even realize).

C) Generally, the people telling me cleanses are bullshit are people who don’t put their health on the top of their priority list.

Soooooo…. whhhhy would I listen or even validate that argument?!

Note: Of course these are generalizations based on my experience and I would happily listen or learn from anyone well versed in health who agrees with the opposition.

The Reality As Per Me: I think it’s pretty straight forward.

Yes, our bodies do have strong built in systems designed to filter out toxins.

However, the amount of toxins the average person introduces into their body daily is probably a hell of a lot more than our ancestors had and thus more then our fragile system could be designed for.

Ya, I know we grow and adapt over time but seriously, for a second ask yourself…

What do you eat daily? How much of that is natural? How much of it has been processed or modified in some way? Do you even know? Do you even know what that means? Or the difference between the two?

Just in Case – Processed Food – Genetically Modified Food –

And now, you’re going to tell me after an honest look at what you consume, that it’s completely impossible that after 20-30+ years your bodies filtration system does not run a risk of exhaustion? And while we are at it, you’re going to tell me it doesn’t deserve some consideration and attention because it’s “good at it’s job”?

I’m sorry, that kind of sounds like a crappy corporation to me.

So basically, if you don’t even take the time to consider these things  – you’re being a shitty boss to your body. Think about it.

Also, let’s talk about the nutrients in fresh, organic fruit and veggies. We all know they are jam packed with goodness.

Actually, it’s one of the few things in this world that isn’t really disputed.

That’s why are parents tried to get us to eat so many. If you look at alternative forms of health they break down all of the nutrients in detail and explain their healing qualities.

To me it seems like intuitive logic. Of course organic, natural fruits and veg are full of things that will aid the body.

In my opinion, it seems like these two arguments break down into those who are content with the philosophies of “modern” medicine and those who are not and look for “alternative” solutions.

Now, I’m not saying you have to do cleanses. I don’t believe in that – at all and to be honest if you’re intaking lots of healthy fruits and veg already, chances are maybe a juice cleanse isn’t needed for you.

Everybody is different. Some people can go there whole life intaking our new levels of toxins, pollutants, processed and modified foods and not have a problem.

Others like myself who haven’t always put the best things in their bodies have discovered that constant fatigue, cravings, shitty sleep and many other things we think are normal, actually aren’t. We’ve acknowledged the message that we could feel better than we do and are therefore open to trying new things.

Personally, I’ve struggled with digestive health for years, so it’s a no brainer that eventually I would look beyond conventional methods for something that actually works for me.

I’ve been wanting to try a juice cleanse for a while – but the idea of eating no food for days has always unnerved me. I was pretty sure I would murder someone… or two.

However, after my nutritionist told me my liver could use some restoration time I decided to take it into consideration.

So I bought Pulp Kitchen 3 day juice cleanse just so I could test this whole process and see if it was actually beneficial. I figured this would be a nice way to ease myself into it and a short enough period that I could handle.

Here is a brief account of my 3 day cleanse:

Day 1: A total Mind Fuck

I spent most of my morning strictly in panic over whether I could do 3 days with no food. I obsessed over food almost every waking minute and therefore spent too much time on Pintrest looking at foodporn. By mid day I felt pretty exhausted and thought I’d have to spent the following two days stuck in bed.

Day 2: The Worst Was Over

I started to feel pretty icky on the second morning. However, once I had my juice and a litre of water the feeling totally dissipated. By the afternoon I actually felt wonderful. I was full of energy and realizing how much of my attachment to food was in my mind. I felt really good putting all this healthyness into my body. However, I was still looking forward to that last day. I was excited for it to be over.

Day 3: Wow That Worked Fast

What a mind game this was for me. As per most fears, it was all in my head. My body handled the cleanse really well. I felt great and had tons of energy. Also, my natural concentration levels where sky high. Higher then they ever are!

I decided to go buy groceries on day 3 so I would have a healthy food integration the following days. I was very surprised when I felt completely unaffected at the market. I wasn’t hungry and I no longer wanted the cleanse to be over. I wanted to opposite. I could have easily done another 2 days…maybe more.

By the end of my cleanse people were making comments left right and centre about my skin. I was kind of surprised since it was only a few days – but it seems like everyone saw a difference…

Oh and ladies…I was legit glowing…like my shoulders had a natural sheen to them…it was crazy!


At the end of the day you’ve got to do what feels right for you. I’ve tried shit like the master cleanse before and failed after a day – but a juice cleanse with proper juices to help regulate your hormones, sugar intake and cravings, I think, is the way to go 100%

Important to remember:

Drink 3-6 litre of water a day. I know that sounds mental. And you should really gage how much water you consume based on varying factors (height, weight etc.) but I find that 6 litre was what I needed. Our bodies can dehydrate very easily (so easily we don’t even realize). There are so many benefits to staying hydrated and all that water will help to flush the active ingredients in the juices through you system giving it a good clean out.

Tip: Try getting a water bottle with a straw built into it. You’d be amazing at how fast you can down 500ml when a straw is involved.

I’m defiantly feeling positive about the cleanse. I’ll happily do another one this summer and I would love to extend it to a 5 or 7 day.

So as a wrap up…

I’ll say the cleanse was great for me even though I had mad fear that it wouldn’t be. Now, because I have successfully gone through the process I will do it again and probably blatantly ignore anyone who is trying to knock it down when they have never tried it and don’t really know what’s going on in their own bodies!!

Happy Juicing Peeps!


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